Do I Have To Forgive? (For Paper) Mar 24
In England Rudyard Kipling built a beautiful home for his wife Caroline. Both believed that they would spend the rest of their lives there. Kipling became best friends with his wife’s brother and the two of them got on very well. As a result of their friendship Kipling bought some land from his brother-in-law on the understanding that his brother-in-law would be allowed to harvest the hay each season from that field.
One day, the brother-in-law found Kipling laying out a flower garden on this hayfield. And he blew his top. Kipling gave back as good as he got. It was the beginning of a royal feud. A few days later, when Kipling was out riding his bike, his brother-in-law drove a wagon and team of horses so close to Kipling that he fell off his bike.Kipling charged his brother-in-law with assault and a sensational trial followed. Nothing however was settled. And as a result of the quarrel Kipling and his wife had to abandon their beautiful home for the rest of their lives. … All that bitterness over a flower garden in a field of hay!
As you look back over your life, even considering your present circumstances, what is the worst time anyone has wronged or hurt you? It would be silly to ask whether you have ever been hurt because none of us lives in a vacuum. To be alive and interact with other people who are sinners just like us means that at some time we all experience the pain that broken relationships cause. We add to that pain by refusing to seek ways to resolve differences, forgive the other person involved and so be reconciled to that person again.
Deep wounds come from many places. The closer the relationship the deeper the wound that results when the relationship fails. Those wounds can come from our spouse, friends, employers, fellow employees, parents, family and so on. The ways we can be hurt, the number of times we can be hurt, the depth of our hurt will vary,
but the fact is that at some time we experience pain and feel disappointment because something has happened to a relationship.
When a relational rift happens between Christians or to a Christian all kinds of things, many of them tied into our emotions occur. We are in danger of forgetting that forgiveness and reconciliation are an essential part of our Christian faith and instead we prefer to harden our hearts and turn our backs on what had once been a special relationship in our lives. I don’t need to go on and explain any further how an unforgiving spirit can affect us, our health and the people in our lives as it did in the Rudyard Kipling case.
Forgiveness is not an easy thing to do. Humanly speaking the more natural thing to do is to harbour our hurt, hold grudges, speak badly to others about the person with whom we have fallen out, and or have nothing to do with the other person. After all, we say, we are the ones who have been hurt and it’s up to the other person to apologise. Even then we’re not sure if we can let bygones be bygones.
Jesus knows how hard it is for his followers to get it right when it comes to our relationships with other people. Jesus knows how hard it is even for Christians, members of his body, the Church, to let go of their grievances. He knows that we get it wrong when it comes to letting our faith and our relationship with Jesus, dictate to us how we ought to behave.
The hurts and wounds you’ve experienced, or the way someone has taken advantage of you will be different in each situation, but what is required of you is the same. As a Christian, as a child of God, as a person who has been richly forgiven by Christ, your one goal should always be to love and forgive. Paul says in:
Colossians 3: 12, 13 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Now that doesn’t sound like an option – forgive if you feel like it, or forgive if the other person apologises first. Paul is stating that forgiveness comes out of our relationship with God. We are dearly loved by God. Jesus gave his life for us to give us forgiveness and a renewed relationship with God. Through baptism we are placed in a special relationship with God – we are his people especially chosen and loved; and everyday God renews his relationship with us as he forgives us for the many ways we find of ignoring what God wants of us as his people and going off and doing our own thing.
It cannot be stated more clearly than what we ask of God in the Lord’s Prayer. “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” And to emphasize the point after giving the disciples the Lord’s Prayer Jesus said in:
Matthew 6: 14, 15 For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
For all Christians forgiveness is not an option. As much as we might look for loopholes or for reasons not to forgive those who hurt us, Jesus leaves no room for doubt that just as God has forgiven us for our persistent and blatant wrong against him so also we are to forgive one another even though we think the other person doesn’t deserve it. Even though we feel deeply hurt by the words and actions a person with whom we have had a relationship,and even though we might feel justified in saying ‘I am right and he/she is wrong’, nevertheless an essential part of our Christian faith still holds true – that just as God forgives us so we must forgive one another.
What could be plainer than that? Regardless of how badly you’ve been hurt, and regardless of who has inflicted that hurt, forgive them and love them. C S Lewis states, “To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you”.
Blessings